The Discovery:
I never expected that after giving birth, I would be faced with this kind of dilemma. My life had changed in so many ways—physically, emotionally, and mentally—but I thought I could at least count on the support of my friends to help me navigate the changes.
I’m 31, a new mom, and earlier this year, I gave birth to my beautiful child. The journey of pregnancy and childbirth had been tough, but it also brought so much joy. Yet, as I settled into life as a new mother, a surprising challenge appeared in the form of my postpartum body. It wasn’t just the physical changes I had to adjust to—though, trust me, they were a lot to handle—but it was also the way my friends and family, particularly one friend, began to respond to those changes.
I’ve always been the kind of person who had a complicated relationship with her body. Growing up, I’d dealt with body image issues, always feeling like I didn’t fit the mold of “perfect.” So, when I gave birth and saw my body shift, stretch, and grow, I knew it would take time to accept. I knew my body would never go back to what it was before, but I was okay with that... or at least, I tried to be.
But then, there was Jennifer.
Jennifer is my friend of about five years. She’s 29, always outspoken, and extremely blunt. She’s the type of person who doesn’t sugarcoat anything, for better or for worse. And when it came to my body, well, her compliments (if you can call them that) were about as subtle as a wrecking ball.
I remember the first time it happened. I was at a small get-together at her place, with a few other friends, all of us talking about life after childbirth. I was sitting on the couch, cradling my baby in my arms, when Jennifer looked me up and down and said, “Wow, you’ve really got a big butt now! Men must be checking you out even more these days, huh?”
At first, I didn’t know how to respond. I just smiled awkwardly, not sure if she was being serious or joking. But it didn’t stop there. She continued, commenting on my stretch marks like they were some kind of badge of honor. “Those stretch marks look awesome! You can totally rock them. You’re looking chunky, girl, but in a good way. You’re all juicy now.”
I sat there, stunned. “Juicy”?! What was I supposed to say to that?
The Doubt:
Over the next few weeks, the compliments didn’t stop. Every time I saw Jennifer, she had something new to say about my body. It started with “big butt” and “awesome stretch marks,” but then it escalated. “I bet men can’t take their eyes off you now,” she’d say. And every time, I’d smile and brush it off, but deep down, I felt uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in my own skin, and uncomfortable with the fact that my friend couldn’t see how her comments were affecting me.
I tried to ignore it at first. Maybe she didn’t mean any harm. Maybe she was just trying to make me feel better. But the more she commented, the more I started to feel self-conscious about my body. It wasn’t about the physical changes anymore—it was about how those changes were being perceived by others. And worse, how they were being commented on.
I’d been told to embrace my body after childbirth, to accept the changes, but Jennifer’s version of acceptance didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t want to be defined by how “juicy” or “chunky” I looked. And I didn’t want to hear about it every time we hung out. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate her trying to make me feel better; I just felt like her compliments were far from genuine. They felt like they were reducing me to something physical, to something about my appearance, not the person I was or was becoming after having a baby.
The Confrontation:
I couldn’t ignore it any longer. One day, after she sent me yet another text that included a compliment about my “amazing curves,” I decided I needed to say something. I wasn’t going to let it continue without speaking my truth.
“Hey, Jennifer,” I started, when I finally called her up, feeling the tension rising in my chest, “I need to talk to you about something.”
“What’s up?” she asked, her voice light and casual.
“It’s about the comments you’ve been making about my body,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I know you’re trying to be nice, but I’ve been feeling uncomfortable with them. Honestly, it feels a bit... inappropriate?”
There was silence on the other end. I could feel her processing my words, trying to find the right response.
“What do you mean?” she asked, sounding genuinely confused. “I thought I was giving you compliments! You know, I thought you’d like them.”
I could hear the defensiveness creeping into her voice, but I wasn’t going to back down.
“I know you probably mean well, but it’s starting to feel like you’re reducing me to just my body. It’s more than just the physical changes; it’s the way you keep commenting on them. I’m not just ‘juicy’ or ‘chunky.’ I’m a person, Jennifer, and I don’t want to be defined by how I look right now.”
There was a long pause. Finally, Jennifer sighed. “I didn’t think it was like that. I just wanted to make you feel good about yourself after having a baby. You know, I thought maybe it would boost your confidence.”
“Maybe I would feel better if I wasn’t constantly reminded of my body, especially when I’m trying to focus on other things—like being a mom, and getting back to me.” I said, my voice firmer now.
The Reveal:
Jennifer didn’t respond immediately, and I could feel the awkwardness growing. Finally, she said, “I guess I never thought of it that way. I thought I was helping, but maybe I’ve just been making you uncomfortable. I’m really sorry, Sarah. I didn’t realize how much it was bothering you.”
The weight that had been pressing on my chest suddenly lifted. She wasn’t dismissing my feelings, and she wasn’t arguing. She was listening.
“I appreciate your apology,” I said, my voice softer now. “I know you didn’t mean to make me feel bad. But I just want to feel more than my appearance, you know?”
“I get it now,” Jennifer said. “I’ll stop. I promise. If anything, I should be proud of how strong you are, and how much you’ve gone through. You’re amazing.”
“Thank you,” I replied, genuinely grateful. “That means a lot to me.”
The Resolution:
From that point on, the dynamic shifted. Jennifer made an effort to be more mindful of her words. And I could tell she genuinely respected my feelings, just as I respected hers. We still laughed and joked like we always did, but the conversation about my body faded into the background. I felt a sense of relief, and more importantly, a sense of agency over how I was being treated.
And as for me? I began to feel more comfortable in my own skin again. I wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t need anyone to remind me of how I looked. I was strong. I was a mother. I was me, and that was enough.
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